Self-Sabotage and Steps to Overcome the Cycle
- W M
- Aug 21
- 3 min read
Self-sabotage is when our actions—or inactions—hold us back from achieving our goals. It can be perplexing, but understanding why we self-sabotage is the first step toward overcoming it and reaching our full potential.
Shalmalee Gadgil
21st August 2025
Have you ever experienced a day when everything seemed to go wrong? Maybe you hit the snooze button one too many times, sent an important email too late, or missed a crucial deadline. It may feel like mere bad luck, but often, it’s a form of self-sabotage. Recognizing that these behaviors stem from within us is vital for breaking free from this frustrating cycle.
What is Self-Sabotage?
Self-sabotage occurs when we, often unknowingly, interfere with our progress. It can manifest as procrastination, negative self-talk, or even just making excuses. Self-sabotage is when our thoughts, emotions, or behaviors unconsciously block our own success.
Consider this scenario: You want to eat healthier, but you skip meal prep and instead opt for fast food. You may think it’s about laziness, but it’s often deeper fears that trigger these behaviors.
Why Do We Self-Sabotage? (The Psychology Behind It)
Understanding the psychological factors behind self-sabotage can shine a light on the root causes of these behaviors. Research suggest that self-sabotage often comes from core fears and beliefs. Here are some common psychological motivations:
Fear of Failure
“What if I try and it doesn’t work out?”
Fear of failure is one of the most prevalent fears. It can be paralyzing, leading us to avoid risks. According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, about 20% of people experience this fear to a debilitating degree, making it difficult to take necessary action toward their goals.
Fear of Success
“What if I succeed and can’t handle it?”
Interestingly, some people fear success just as much. They may worry about the responsibilities and expectations that come with achieving their goals. This anxiety can lead to behaviors that sabotage their chances of success. For example, an employee who is anxious about being promoted might deliberately miss important meetings to avoid the added pressure.
Fear of Judgment
“What will people think if I put myself out there?”
Fear of judgment can also play a huge role. Nearly 60% of individuals, according to social researchers, feel that potential criticism from others holds them back from pursuing opportunities. The possibility of failure or ridicule can trap people in their comfort zones.
Psychologists Edward Jones and Steven Berglas noted this pattern in the 1970s, coining the term "self-handicapping." They found that individuals sometimes create obstacles to protect their self-esteem, especially when they think failure is a possibility.
Signs You Might Be Self-Sabotaging
✔️ Chronic procrastination
✔️ Avoiding opportunities
✔️ “Forgetting” deadlines
✔️ Starting projects but not finishing them
✔️ Using negative self-talk that crushes momentum
If any of these sound familiar, it may be time to take a closer look at your behaviors and thought patterns.
How to Start Breaking the Cycle of Self-Sabotage
To break self-sabotaging cycles, we need self-awareness and intentional steps. Here are practical actions you can take:
Step 1: Catch the Pattern
First, notice times you delay or procrastinate. Consider using a journal to track these behaviors and identify patterns. Reflecting on your actions can reveal disruptive habits.
Reflection Prompt: Recall the last time you unintentionally derailed a goal. Write it down and explore the feelings and thoughts that influenced that moment.
Step 2: Name the Fear
Next, identify the fear associated with your actions. Ask yourself, “What am I afraid will happen if I succeed?” Understanding your fears can lessen their grip on you.
Step 3: Shift to Small Steps
Instead of aiming for perfection, break down tasks into smaller, manageable steps. If you’re working on a writing project, strive to write one paragraph at a time instead of aiming for an entire chapter. Research shows that starting small can foster momentum and lessen feelings of overwhelm.
Step 4: Practice Self-Compassion
Be kind to yourself during this journey. Acknowledge that self-sabotage is a common part of being human. Practicing self-compassion can help you silence negative thoughts and cultivate a more supportive inner voice.
Step 5: Seek Support
Sometimes, breaking the cycle of self-sabotage calls for external support. Talk to a therapist about your concerns. External perspectives can provide valuable insights and motivation.
Moving Forward with Confidence
If you notice these behaviors repeating in relationships, career, or health — it may be rooted in deeper beliefs (e.g., low self-worth, unresolved trauma, or negative schemas). This is where therapy can help you uncover and rewrite those unconscious patterns.
We help individuals identify and overcome self-sabotage through evidence-based therapies like Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Schema Therapy, and ACT (Acceptance & Commitment Therapy).
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